DoyCave.com

…where Doy occasionally writes.

Tag: Goals

  • Why ‘FAIL’ is my word of the year…and it should be yours, too

    Photo by Daniel McCullough on Unsplash

    I will tell you a secret I’ve been terrified to admit to anyone I know.

    I’ve wanted to write a book — the same book! — since I was fresh out of college. I’ve had the idea for more than 20 years, and the idea has only grown inside me, gnawing at my brain like an urgent, unfinished task.

    So every year for at least the past five or six years I’ve made one of my yearly goals to write this dad-blasted book, and every year I have refused. I was searching for another word there, but I think “refused” hits the nail on the head. I just haven’t done it. I’ve accomplished life-changing things over the same time period, but the book remains unwritten. 

    The reason for this, of course, is fear.

    I will do anything I can to avoid staring at that blank page. I’ll write anything in the world — blog posts like this, even! — that keep me from the task of working on a single chapter. I’m afraid I’m not talented enough. I’m afraid my ideas are stupid. I’m afraid the structure is wrong. I’m afraid the characters aren’t believable. I’m afraid that if I were to foist this would-be book on any reasonable editor or agent they would tell me I should quit while I’m ahead.

    One Word: FAIL

    A few years ago, I read the book “One Word that Can Change Your Life.” 

    The book’s main idea is that instead of making a complicated list of goals, you can instead focus on one word that will galvanize your creativity, imagination and motivation, directing you towards exciting life change.

    While I’m still a guy who needs concrete goals in front of him, I like the idea of having a word or a theme for the year that helps me to craft goals in a specific direction. Some of my friends and respected colleagues posted about their word for the year and how it is helping them focus, and I thought it could be a useful tool to help me finally make traction.

    So after much reflection and consideration, I decided that my word for this year is “FAIL.”

    To many of you, it might sound like a self-defeating mantra. It might sound like a way to purposely sabotage any success I might enjoy this year, as if I’m laying the groundwork to quit yet again with my own preordained blessing.

    I have a different goal in mind, though.

    The results of FEAR

    You see, fear paralyzes. It’s why deer stop dead in their tracks when they see headlights. It’s why victims in horror movies freeze and try not to breathe when they hear a bump in the night. It’s also why insecure writers like me don’t put pen to paper.

    The fear allows me to rationalize: to read a book about writing instead of writing, to tell myself I’m just not ready yet, to make plans and gather notes and do busywork while I avoid writing the book I’ve always wanted to write.

    When I tell myself to FAIL, I’m telling myself to ACT.

    Theodore Roosevelt wisely said, “It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.” I’m getting to the age where I’m considering what it will be like to lay on my deathbed filled with regret, and I can’t stomach the reality of an unfulfilled life.

    If I’m going to make a dent in this world or leave anything worthy of my efforts, I have to be willing and prepared to FAIL at it. No writer ever stirred the human heart with a blank page.

    There, I’ve confessed.

    Now, go and fail likewise.

  • The Spoils of Perseverance

    I’m going to tell you with some amount of pride that a “mess o’ ribs” just doesn’t DO it for me anymore.

    Not long ago — only a few months, truthfully — I was a connoisseur of all things meat.

    I low carb’d it, often living on bacon-wrapped chicken and salad (with cheese and lots of dressing) as the staple of my healthy diet. I wasn’t worried about the fat. I just knew I was losing weight, and losing it fairly quickly.

    Inevitably, however, the carb cravings would catch up with me…I would engorge myself with cake or candy bars, and within a week, I was up 10 pounds and feeling awful.

    I initially struggled with my current lifestyle, too, mind you. I haven’t cheated, but getting “creative” with dinners hasn’t always been something I’ve had the time to do. And, to be truthful, this is a diet that requires PREPARATION. I can’t stress that enough to the four of you. Now, slap each other and say, “I love Justin Bieber and play with Barney toys!”

    What were we talking about again?

    Preparation, that’s right. Like preparing a blog entry that stays on topic. Yeah, like that.

    So early on with Esselstyn, I would forget to pack a lunch and, not really knowing what to do, I would just pick up salad stuff and dress it with straight Balsamic Vinegar. It wasn’t the most appetizing thing I’ve done, but I put my head down and took my lumps. It taught me to be more prepared, which I’ve mentioned before…right?!

    These were the most perilous days for me. It would’ve been easy to say, “Geez, I’ll just go to Zaxby’s and get a chicken salad. At least it’s ‘healthy.’” I would’ve been wrong, and I knew the damage it would do both to my body and my progress.

    I say all this to say that, after four months of living this way, I have indeed lost the taste and craving for FAT, and this is a triumph for me!

    I recoil at cheeseburgers with their dripping grease. I’m appalled by a slab of ribs and the pool of thick barbecue sauce and fat-congealing. I know that I would have a violent reaction to those foods if I ate them, and my body reacts accordingly. The smells don’t waft through my nose with the same allure. The sight of their pallid and muted hues hardly compares to the vibrant colors of the food I eat. They don’t hold pleasure for me. At all.

    Why am I telling you all this…as if I’ve figured it all out?

    I’m telling you this to encourage you in this one fact: IT. GETS. EASIER.

    It gets easier to stay away from the “comfort foods” that provide no real comfort at all. It gets easier to avoid the frozen pizza bites because there’s no time and nothing else on the menu tonight. It gets easier to avoid the candy aisle, grabbing something from the produce section instead. It gets easier to avoid the convenience of a drive-thru when you don’t know what else to do. It all gets easier.

    The longer you go, the easier it gets. The more you do it, the more preparation you learn.

    These days, I’m thinking ahead constantly. If I’m invited to lunch, I might direct us to a more vegan-friendly establishment where I might get the food I need. If I’m meeting up with family after work, I might have dinner for myself, so that I’m not hungry and won’t dig into the goodies. If I know we’ve run out of leftovers or the pantry’s getting low, I’ll make sure to call home, check in, and stop at the store to stock up on something I can make quickly (usually rice and beans).

    Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a fear-based motivation. I’m not constantly afraid I’ll screw up if I don’t prepare. It’s RESOLVE. I eat a certain way for very good reason. Therefore, I will prepare my food in every situation.

    I’m telling you all this because there is a point at which it will get easier and easier for you to travel the narrow road to health. One of the reasons so many doctors don’t recommend this lifestyle to their patients is because they believe it’s TOO STRICT. It certainly takes preparation, but people can learn to live in any situation. Just ask the Inuit up in Canada. Jeez.

    I’m also telling you all this because I’m a nobody. I’m a nobody who is doing this everyday.

    And if a flaky, procrastinating nobody like me can do it, you most assuredly can.

    What obstacles do you think are keeping you from healthy living?

  • The Agony of the LBs

    There is nothing requiring more patience than when you’re losing weight.

    It is a slow and tedious process that can easily leave you feeling defeated, deflated and ready to quit.

    I had to decide from the outset that weight wasn’t my true goal. It’s a great by-product and is a fantastic way to see my progress, but every day, and with every meal, I’m making decisions about my health. Every time I eat clean, I’m investing in my future. I’m investing in living another day.

    It doesn’t keep me from the disappointment, though. And I’m sure you’ve experienced it, too.

    However, here are a few things you should know as you’re losing weight. My hope is that they keep you moving forward, pressing on to better health. They’re helping me stay the course, and so I offer them here…for you four faithful readers…because I care…so shut up.

    1. Don’t weigh yourself everyday!

    This is one I will break often, but it’s better when I don’t do it. The fact of the matter is that, as we’re losing weight, it will fluctuate. You will put on a pound and then drop two. You might lose two and put another back on. However, if you’re tracking your weight over time, you’ll begin to see the slow decline. This is the best way to lose it.

    Here’s where I’ll insert a plug for loseit.com. It’s the site I use to track my weight and progress. It’s free (unless you want to upgrade, which I haven’t), and allows you to set goals and track not only the food you eat, but keeps you apprised of an end date if you continue to lose weight at a certain rate. Great little app you can use online or on your phone.

    2. What to do if you’re not losing weight

    So, you’re eating right. You’re not eating oil. You’re not eating meat. Veggies up the yin yang. But you’re still not losing weight.

    First thing you need to do is eat MORE. Yes, more. No, I’m not a recreational drug user, and no my mind is with me…most of the time.

    When your body isn’t getting enough calories (as can happen when you move to a vegan diet), it holds on to the fat it has because it thinks you’re starving. When in starvation mode, your body will hold onto anything and everything it can get, to sustain you through what is obviously a stint on, “Survivor 138: Inner City Detroit.”

    It’s counter-intuitive, but it works.

    If that doesn’t work, you might be eating too much. Watch your portions, and see if that makes a difference.

    Finally, watch your sugar intake. I LOVE non-dairy ice cream and sorbet, but I eat them RARELY. Dr. Esselstyn recommends not eating more than three fruits a day for the same reason. Sugar can really make the weight sneak back on if you indulge too much. Watch your sugar.

    In all of this, loseit.com can be a really handy tool.

    3. Give yourself TIME

    You’ve heard “slow and steady wins the race.” The fact that it’s true is really only aggravating.

    When you decide to eat a certain way, especially if you’ve decided to follow Dr. Esselstyn because of your coronary condition, you have to commit for the long haul. Short stints aren’t going to work. Three months and out will only get you further away from your goals.

    Think in long terms. What will this be like after a year? Two years? How much repair could my arteries experience after three years of eating like this?

    Once you have your mind made up, take it one meal at a time. This is a lifestyle. It’s not a quick fix. Your arteries and waistline didn’t get this way overnight. The solution won’t come overnight, either.

    Did you know that people EAT turtles? That would sure change the tortoise and the hare story, wouldn’t it?

  • Roadblocks to Achieving Your Goals

    I don’t know about you, but the minute somebody starts talking about goals, I start looking for a door.

    Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to dream big and have idea sessions and talk about what could be — I’m a creative type, you see — but what goal-setting inevitably means is that work is involved. LOTS of work, most of the time. And when it’s LIFE goals, I figure I should just find a window instead of a door and jump.

    I’ve known the depression of failed goals. I’m sure you have, too.

    In a meeting last week, Dr. Karen Naufel, a psychology professor at Georgia Southern University, gave a great talk about goals. She talked about some of the obstacles people face when setting goals, and how avoiding these roadblocks can make people more successful at achieving them.

    She said there are three main obstacles to goal setting.

    1. The Planning Fallacy

    This obstacle points to the problem of underestimating the time, cost, effort, etc. that a certain goal will require in order to be reached. I have this problem often. I love to strategize, to make plans and to solve problems in a creative way, but when it comes to the task list required to accomplish the big dreams, I get lost.

    Dr. Naufel says there are two approaches to overcoming this obstacle, because just acknowledging it won’t fix it.

    The first, she says, is to “double it.” Estimate the time, cost and effort that your goal will take and then “double it.” Not the best way to handle it, she added, but it certainly gets at the old adage, “under promise, over deliver.”

    The second approach is to “unpack it.” A more reasonable approach, this solution requires the goal-setter to think about every detail involved in attaining their goal. How long will it take? What specific items will have to be purchased, produced and realized to attain the larger goal?

    2. Getting Stuck In A Rut

    This obstacle is a tough one. Being a creative person, I’m much more wired to start a project with enthusiasm, but the longer it goes on, the less enthusiastic I become. And with nutrition goals, especially, this can be a momentum-killer.

    Because of the time it takes to lose weight the right way, and because our weight can fluctuate greatly in that time, it’s easy to get off track because the results aren’t coming faster.

    Dr. Naufel says one of the best ways to combat this problem is by adding a “speed bump” while the goal is still fresh.

    The idea here is to take the focus away from the goal you’re working on (and the goal which you’re still excited about) by doing something else, or meeting another short-term goal on another project.

    This, she says, makes you more eager to return to the goal you’re trying to reach.

    I think, too, that perspective helps a lot in dealing with this goal. My goal isn’t necessarily to lose so many pounds over so long a period of time. I’m specifically hoping that by eating a certain way, my arteries will start to heal and reverse the life-threatening disease which has built up over the years. It’s not something I can just hope will change in six months, eight months or a couple of years for that matter. It’s really a lifestyle, lifetime change. If I don’t think about it that way, I would easily jump ship.

    3. Side Trips Are Appealing

    The final obstacle is our tendency to wander. At work, we’re distracted by Facebook and email. At school, we’re distracted by the opposite sex, cell phones and the beautiful day just outside the window.

    It’s hard to stay focused, especially when cheesecake is on the table.

    The best approach to overcoming this obstacle is what Dr. Naufel calls “implementation intentions.” It’s basically a way of reminding yourself to stay on track when thinking of something else.

    For instance, if I come to the realization that email is really getting in the way of getting my work done, I might say to myself, “Okay, when I check email, I’m going to remind myself to get back on the task at hand. That email ding is going to remind me that I need to stay on task.”

    In a restaurant, it might look like this: “Okay, when they bring that dessert tray around and I see that cheesecake, that is going to be my reminder that I need to stay on track with my nutrition and refuse it.”

    Sounds simple, right? Studies show, however, that this practice works…and works well.

    I know I have to do this intentionally when I go to restaurants with co-workers or friends. I generally know what kind of food they’re going to have, so I’m reminding myself — long before I arrive — that I have to find alternatives to the food I can’t eat. I may go so far as to look up the restaurant online in order to see their menu.

    Preparation, people. It’s the name of the game.

    I honestly hope this was helpful for you…not only in thinking about nutrition, but in thinking about life and work as well.

    What are some ways that you deal with goal-setting and the obstacles it brings?

Powered by
►
Necessary cookies enable essential site features like secure log-ins and consent preference adjustments. They do not store personal data.
None
►
Functional cookies support features like content sharing on social media, collecting feedback, and enabling third-party tools.
None
►
Analytical cookies track visitor interactions, providing insights on metrics like visitor count, bounce rate, and traffic sources.
None
►
Advertisement cookies deliver personalized ads based on your previous visits and analyze the effectiveness of ad campaigns.
None
Powered by