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My heart is heavy tonight.
This silent, invasive enemy that I’ve battled for the past three years took my father, Doy Wheaton Cave, Jr., from me this week. Sometime between Monday and today, he dressed himself for bed, lay down and fell asleep for the last time. He was 66 years old.
As I turn it over and over in my mind, I wish for him what I’ve wished for myself: that we could both rewind time and discover the many ways to defeat this previously unassailable foe called heart disease, which slowly gathers strength as it lies in wait along our arterial walls, choking the life out of us. I wish he’d found this solution sooner: before his quintuple bypass surgery in 2000, before his heart attack in 1990, before he picked up a smoking habit as a teenager. I wanted to keep him around much longer than this.
I don\’t think I got to tell him how he saved my life once.
When I first began to experience my heart problems, my father told me the story of his first heart attack. It wasn’t the harrowing, frightening experience I envisioned it to be. It was more frightening than that, because it was painless.
He said the problem started as a slight pressure in his shoulder, not really painful at all, just something he noticed. As the day went on, the pressure became more of a throbbing, but didn’t hurt enough to make him concerned — certainly nothing that would’ve sent him to the hospital. As he lay down that night, he said the throbbing continued, so he decided he would see the doctor in the morning.
When he arrived at the doctor’s office and explained his symptoms, the doctor decided to get an EKG. He tore the sheet from the machine, gasped and said, “Oh, my gosh! You’re having a heart attack!” He was rushed to the hospital where they saved his life. Had he ignored the pressure or prolonged the doctor visit, he would’ve died that day…at age 42, the age I am today.
On New Year’s Eve 2012, I experienced a slight pain in my shoulder. I was shopping with my kids, running errands and driving around. The pain wasn’t intense, but it was noticeable, and the longer it wore on, the more I thought about my father’s story. Could this be a heart attack like his? After a few waves of tight, squeezing pressure in my shoulder, I decided to go to the emergency room. I’m glad I did. It turned out I needed two more stents in my heart that day and had I waited, I’m not sure I would\’ve lived to tell the tale. Thanks, Dad.
My father and I often checked on each other over the last couple of years. We shared this common enemy in heart disease, and we were both keenly interested in how the other battled it from day to day, sharing medications and nutrition advice. I’m thankful for that time, and I’m thankful he battled so valiantly for so long.
My father was one of the hardest workers I’ve ever known. His house, his cars, his yard were all immaculate. He found great joy in a job well done and valued this quality in others. I always admired that in him and wish I possessed it more.
He was devoted to his family and to the preservation of its history. We would often visit our relatives, and he would make sure we understood where we came from. The Cave name truly inspired a deep pride and reverence in him, and he wanted us to feel it, too. I hope I can live up to that expectation.
I want to call him and have him tell me it was just a hiccup, just a mistake someone made. I want to hear him say that he’s fine, laugh and tell me I shouldn’t worry about him so much. My mind won’t accept my inability to do that.
Every year, 600,000 Americans die of heart disease — a disease that’s preventable, beatable and fallible! I know this can seem like a remote number, so large it never touches the door of your own home. That number is infinitely more personal for me today, the fight more real.
I want everyone to stop, I want to make time stop, I want to make all noises stop to remember this person I loved, taken from me without warning.
Here’s to my father, a fallen soldier who fought the good fight. Rest in peace tonight, Dad. I love you and will miss you terribly.
Doy, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this beautiful tribute with us. My prayers are with you and your family!
Beautifully written, Doy. Thank you for sharing and caring about others. I am so sorry for your loss.
Doy I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that God eases you and your sweet families pain. Always know your father watches over you and knows that he helped save your life. Thank you for inspiring me and helping save mine, watching your journey has helped me start mine and I have lose 40 pounds since May and completely changedy eating habits.
Thank you, Doy, for sharing this at such a difficult time. My father has had several surgeries to have angioplasties and stents put in his arteries. I fully understand how hard it is to watch someone you love go through this.
I am so sorry for your loss and I wanted to let you know we still love you.
Prayers going up for you and your family!! Prayers will continue as you continue to fight your own battles. Hugs…
Doy – I am so sorry for your loss. Although I never met your Dad, I am honored to know of him through you because the man you are whom I respect so much obviously grew and was moulded in his example. Your positive example and influence on us is obviously what your Dad instilled within you. Praying now for you and your family during this difficult time. Thanks so much for sharing so that we can lift you all up in prayer now! – Carl
My condolences to you all. We are paying for the whole family.
Doy, I was so shocked when I heard of your dad’s death. What a wonderful tribute you have made to him. I worked with your dad. . . I was the Department Secretary. Yes, he was very dedicated and the hardest working man at Lockheed. He was such a sweet guy. We have remained friends through the years.. I am very sorry for your loss. RIP Wheaton. We love you.
I was shocked to hear of your Fathers passing. Wheaton , myself and his Groves High class mates shared some of the good ole days at a mini reunion we had in October . I thought to my self that he looked very healthy and well. Glad we got to see him. I grew up in the same neighborhood as Wheaton and went to school grades 1-12 with him. My sincere condolences to you and your family & friends.
That was heart wrenching to read and I know you dad would be so proud of the fine person that you are, I graduated with him but did not make the reunion! It was truly my loss, praying for you and your family to heal and be comforted!
Doy, thank you for that wonderful tribute. I know your dad would be proud. He was a great man and a great friend, in fact, he was one of my best friends for as long as I can remember. In recent years we didn’t talk much, but when we did, it was as if we talked every day. When he would call me and I answered, he would usually say ” Dickerson……what are you doing?” and I would instantly know it was Wheaton. His voice was always warm and comforting and he was always the same, happy, friendly, energetic, optimistic and open. I loved him like a brother and I will miss him beyond words. Now that I know I can’t, I long to hear his voice just one more time. He was blessed to have a great family and great friends. My prayers are with you, your family and friends and I look forward to seeing you at the visitation and funeral. Thank you, Larry Dickerson
Doy, your father was very well thought of by all of his classmates that gathered the weekend of October 25, 2014 in Savannah to celebrate a mini class reunion. I am so glad that he was there and that I got to visit with him and reminisce our high school years. It was absolutely shocking to hear that he had passed because he looked so good that weekend. God bless you and all of your family during your time of sorrow. I am grieving with you all.
im so sorry for your loss and ours.i went to school with your dad.and have known him all but six years of my life.it had been 48 years since i had seen him.but he was wheaton. such a good person.may god be with you and all of us during this time.all my prayers.neva wells ennis.
Doy, so very sorry for your families loss! Your Dad and I had several classes and graduated together, we will all miss him very much! It sounds as though you have a lifetime of wonderful memories to cherish! Again, with deepest sympathy, Russ
Doy,we are all saddened to hear of Weatons passing. and pray for you and your family.we will miss him
David Tracy.
Doy, I am sorry for your loss. I will pray that you and your family will be able to overcome this high loss. Your dad and me lived in the smE neighborhood and went to school together for many years. I was fortunate to have been able to spend time with him at our mini reunion. I will miss him so much and I will have the memories we shared to think about. Ann Gornto Miller
I am sorry for your loss. I will pray that you and your family will heal . Just remember that God will not give you more than you can handle at one time.