I was talking to a friend not long ago about some life issues, and they finally asked, “Well…what do you want?”
I’m ashamed to tell you I was hard-pressed to answer. I honestly didn’t know. What do I want? For myself, my future…for the years I have left?
Writing here is part of the answer. But I still have questions, and I know that I lack the focus to address them.
I’ve mentioned it previously, but I’ve been terrible about reading in the last year. I’ve been terrible about sitting and listening to my fairly extensive record collection. I’ve been terrible about doing anything creative at all because I lack focus.
I get work done, but I don’t feel like it’s as thought-out and considered as some of my past work. I interact with people, but I feel like my attention jumps back and forth. If a meeting goes long, I might miss half of it because my brain is off somewhere else.
I’ve become a dopamine junky. I’m looking for my next hit…from the television…from my phone…from junk food…wherever I can get it.
For the last couple of mornings, I’ve been meditating for 10 or 15 minutes. It’s hit-or-miss for me right now because I’m still learning, but I’m on a mission to learn how to quiet my mind and focus my attention — how to achieve flow again.
Flow, for those of you who haven’t been exposed to the work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, is being in a state of complete immersion and focus in some activity or task, which leads to better performance and a greater sense of accomplishment.
I’ve experienced flow in the past. It’s been a while, but I remember the experience. Writing a story and fussing over words and structure only to be transported two hours into the future. Writing code and refreshing the page to see how my changes took effect only to find I’d lost three hours doing the work. It’s a wonderful feeling to get lost in what you’re doing. I just can’t think of a time recently when it’s happened to me.
I’d like that to change.
I’m currently reading a book by James Doty called “Mind Magic: The Neuroscience of Manifestation and How It Changes Everything.” Back in 2013, when I first became a vegan and decided to change my life, I would read a mantra to myself every morning. It detailed who I wanted to become as if I were already that person — a writer, a better husband and father, an employee with big ideas and curiosity — a kind of manifesting exercise.
Now, some of you will poo-poo the idea of manifesting, and if people start talking about quantum this or that, I might join you. Doty, however, delves into how the brain works, and how to take an idea from the conscious part of your brain into the subconscious part of your brain and what that means for you.
I didn’t realize what I was doing when I read that mantra every morning, but I do know this: a year into reading that out loud every day, I was promoted to a writing position with a pay bump, and by the next year, I was the managing editor for our university alumni magazine — a dream job for me.
I want to be a person who visualizes his future and, through meditation, focus and a sprinkle of manifestation, brings those dreams into fruition.
Obviously, the types of dreams you’re after matter when you’re trying to manifest them into existence. I’m not manifesting a lottery win (although, can you do that? I’m willing to try!), but I do want to manifest what kind of person I can become, what kinds of goals I can accomplish, what kinds of new heights I can reach.
This type of work starts with focus and stillness, and I have a lot to learn to accomplish either.
Add it to the “Resolutionpalooza” list.
Photo by Matteo Di Iorio on Unsplash
Leave a Reply